Criticism (Constructive vs. Destructive)

I can understand the truth being hard to take if it is a bad thing. I can understand criticism is difficult to comprehend if you're on the defensive. I can also understand that if you are trying to stay afloat when it comes to your self-esteem or self-confidence, you don't want to hear anything bad about yourself because you already have enough self-criticism. But there must be a point when stop and listen to others who are close to you and try to understand them.

Truthfully, for years, I have been ignoring and hating my mother every time she brings up my issues with weight. I've come to understand over the years that she is not criticizing me to make herself feel better or just make me feel worse. She is my mother after all; but when you're 12 and your mother tells you you're too fat, you tend to clump her in with all those kids who just told you the same thing at school. And, she even admits, when I've had talks with her about this issue now that I'm older, that she handled the way she confronted me about it completely wrong. She admits she was wrong in her trying to get me to lose weight by trying to make me want to "show her" that I can. And she admits she was and still is wrong when she brings weight up at the most inconvenient and inappropriate times. However, I can appreciate her desire for me to have a happy healthy physical and mental state.

So why is it so hard for us to take criticism? I think I'm getting better at it. People (who are close to you, not just anyone can tell you your faults) are not going to say that something is wrong with you or that you shouldn't do something you've been doing just to make you feel like shit. They are going to say it because it's true and because they are looking out for your best interest. Interestingly enough, it seems to me that those who criticize are never the ones who can take the criticism, no matter the nature of it. But, in my mind, it seems to me that if you consider someone a friend or a close person to you, you will assume that what they have to say isn't meant to hurt you, make you feel stupid, or put you down. It is meant for your betterment, not matter what it is: from your weight to how you put on eyeliner to your destructive behavior. If it is said politely, then that person can tell you their opinion.

Of course, you can take it or leave it. But if you truly believe this person is your friend, you will take it. Or at least think about it. You can't just say "I can't lose this weight. I'm not going to do it!" or "That's the way I am, if you don't love me for me then go f*ck yourself." You have to look at where these criticisms and comments are coming from.

Also, I think that if you are the one delivering the criticism, you have to choose your criticism wisely and your wording. And you have to give reasons for this criticism. You can't say "Joe Shmoe, you have very destructive behavior and you need to stop" and then go about your day. You need to tell "Joe" that his behavior is destructive, give him examples, let him give you reasons for his demeanor or mannerisms, and ultimately, give him a proposed solution. Empty criticism is not good criticism. If you have something to bring up, bring it up with a solution for it... otherwise that person will take offense and shut you out.

So, you can sit and listen to your friend who actually cares about you and your well-being (or appearance, if that is important to you as well), or you can metaphorically (or literally) stomp off and slam the door in their face.

It's your choice, but at least think it over instead of acting on your first reaction.