Suckling at the teat of talent

I was thinking.... has college drained me of my talent as a writer? Now before you call me conceited for thinking that I ever was a talented writer, I've READ some of my old stuff. A sentence was so beautifully structured with minimal effort and I look back now, not remember a single one of the sentences. Has my constant doting on my writing robbed me of the natural, raw talent that used to seep through my old writings?

I was reading an essay I wrote last summer for myself and I was amazed at the writing, and I didn't even recognize it as my own. It was as if I was reading someone else's writings and thoughts. How weird is that? I'm scared and worried. Was I at pinnacle of my talent last year and now I'm spiralling down toward the mundane and ordinary writings of thousands of others, college students or not?

This isn't fair. I'm supposed to get better, not worse. But maybe college was suckling at the teat of my talent and it's slowing suckling it dry. How do I reverse this process? Has/Is anyone experiencing this?

Maybe this is just me being my same old critical self. I'm always critical of who I am. Maybe I'm so critical of who I am and how I write now that I don't see it as as good as my other stuff? Perhaps I'm still a good writer, but I'm reading into my random writing too much. I mean, Facebook posts aren't supposed to be brilliant pieces of literature. But I saw a comment I posted on a friends blog at the beginning of last semester and it was witty and powerful while being concise and meaningful. Now all my stuff is rambling nonsense that is meant for the dimwitted and the unassuming.

Maybe my problem is writing for a crowd. If I write for others, I alter it so much from its original form, that it loses the taste of Ayah Helmy and it turns into what the audience wants. Maybe if I stop judging myself and being so critical of myself, my natural beauty and vivaciousness will show through, unfettered.

I'll leave you with what seems to me to be a proper choice of lyrics (appropriately chosen by my iTunes' shuffle option):

You looks are laughable, unphotographable
Yet you're my favorite work of art

Is your figure less than greek
Is your mouth a little bit weak
When you open it to speak, are you smart?

But don't change a hair for me
Not if you care for me
Stay little valentine stay


Each day is valentine's day