invisible friends
So there is this person I know. Known him/her for quite a while. We were tight for a while, but now we are so completely freaking alienated that our past relationship seems like it was someone else's.
It's sad, I know. People say that you grow apart from your friends, but I don't think it's about growing apart; it's about the everlasting quest for popularity and acceptance. "Aren't we over that? We're in college, for God's sake."
Um...sorry to inform you, Naive Ayah (and her counterparts in you, the reader). The quest for popularity never ends for some people. It's all about maturity. It takes a lot for people to grow out of their search from popularity, their unquenched primal need for acceptance. This doesn't just happen randomly or from one isolated incident. It occurs from a tapestry of events --a multitude of schemas woven together to make a large, all-encompassing quilt of selfishness and self-doubt. Am I being too harsh? Sorry, but I've been hurt too often by others to be nice about anything anymore. Sure, you can tell me that my friend isn't worth all this heartache. If he/she did not want to put forth the effort to sustain our friendship, then he/she is not worth it. Screw him/her!
But I can't. Unfortunately I have a conscious that doesn't let me cut the heart strings with people like that. I may be a self-proclaimed bitch or want to act like a hard-ass and say "Whatever, nothing affects me", but I can't. I try to be as truthful with myself as I want others to be to me (pretty damn truthful), so I can't lie to myself and act like I'm not affected when one of my close friends is acting lame. That would be bullshit (and if you check my medical records, I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to bullshit).
So what happens now? Do I sit here and wait for my friend to grow up and realize who his/her friends are... or do I just move on and say, "Too bad, you lost your chance with me" if and when they come around? For my own peace of mind, I'm trying to drop him/her. He/she never offered anything to me to want to hold on to, so there's really nothing I'm losing. I think I just can't bare the idea that I put so much effort in so many years of friendship and now it's over --there was no result to my hard work.
I N D E C I S I O N. S U C K S.
It's sad, I know. People say that you grow apart from your friends, but I don't think it's about growing apart; it's about the everlasting quest for popularity and acceptance. "Aren't we over that? We're in college, for God's sake."
Um...sorry to inform you, Naive Ayah (and her counterparts in you, the reader). The quest for popularity never ends for some people. It's all about maturity. It takes a lot for people to grow out of their search from popularity, their unquenched primal need for acceptance. This doesn't just happen randomly or from one isolated incident. It occurs from a tapestry of events --a multitude of schemas woven together to make a large, all-encompassing quilt of selfishness and self-doubt. Am I being too harsh? Sorry, but I've been hurt too often by others to be nice about anything anymore. Sure, you can tell me that my friend isn't worth all this heartache. If he/she did not want to put forth the effort to sustain our friendship, then he/she is not worth it. Screw him/her!
But I can't. Unfortunately I have a conscious that doesn't let me cut the heart strings with people like that. I may be a self-proclaimed bitch or want to act like a hard-ass and say "Whatever, nothing affects me", but I can't. I try to be as truthful with myself as I want others to be to me (pretty damn truthful), so I can't lie to myself and act like I'm not affected when one of my close friends is acting lame. That would be bullshit (and if you check my medical records, I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to bullshit).
So what happens now? Do I sit here and wait for my friend to grow up and realize who his/her friends are... or do I just move on and say, "Too bad, you lost your chance with me" if and when they come around? For my own peace of mind, I'm trying to drop him/her. He/she never offered anything to me to want to hold on to, so there's really nothing I'm losing. I think I just can't bare the idea that I put so much effort in so many years of friendship and now it's over --there was no result to my hard work.
I N D E C I S I O N. S U C K S.
posted by Ayah @ 4:34 PM
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